When My Body Breaks Down

When My Body Breaks Down

BY Danny Castillo

I hope my body breaks down. 
I hope I get hit by a car 
and my body breaks. 
When the floor is wet, 
I hope I slip and fall 
and my body breaks 
more and more 
awaiting more pain 
anticipating a fall or a crash, 
tumbling down an avalanche. 

I take a quick body scan, 
which brings me to now, 
accepting my body 
broken from the start… 

My body was broken at birth, 
wearing braces to realign my hips. 
My body broke my system and cycle,
an invisible, unmanageable illness 
that not even doctors know how to remedy. My
body broke when my father passed, and when
learning that it may have been genetics… If my
body is already broken, 
then why do I beg for more 
to break? 

My body doesn't beg 
for a crash or fall, 
it begs for relief. 
I mistook broken to mean 
an end to this pain, 
not the continuation 
of what's breaking me.